I'm never drinking again. No more beer, wine, whisky, meths. End of the reek, the wobble, the slurring and blurring. I'm giving up on wrestles on pub floors, courting arrest and diamond chat. Cheerio funny stories and outrageous yarns. Farewell minesweeping, cringe and blackouts. Goodbye beer blog and homebrew. Goodbye hangovers, ya evil, twisted, nasty bastards; and hello alcoholic-free beer!
These following words aren't mine. Many thanks to my dear friend Ben Becula for this, my last review:
Clausthaller Has that nice sweet and sour character of a really drinkable pilsner.
Erdinger Alcoholfrei A bit of a biscuity, weissbier this one. Considered by many to be one of the best non-alcoholic beers around, and I would agree.
Furstenberg Frei Excellent. When I'm in the mood for a tasty, satisfying thirst-quencher, this one often does the job. Like the Clausthaller and the Erdinger, it has character and complexity to it that a lot of other n/a beers just don't have.
BrewDog Nanny State IPA This is like hen's teeth, which is absurd considering BrewDog are Scottish. I have only been able to find it in Sweden and they don't even sell it in the BrewDog pub in Glasgow for fuck's sake! A pity, because it is really rather good and tastes like a proper citrusy, sour IPA. The trouble is that the Scottish/British mentality is so implacably opposed to n/a beer, unable to see it as anything other than a punishment for those who have overindulged, or a cross to bear by designated drivers, that this beer can't seem to get a foothold in the heartland of IPA.
Bavaria 0.0% In most supermarkets. Made in Holland, the lying bastards. Same idea as the Cobra. To be honest, when I see Cobra, Bavaria and Beck's Blue on the shelf, I always go for the Beck's even though it is more expensive. Basically, they do lack something when they have not been brewed to full strength to begin with. Having said that, I have bought Bavaria many times and will do again because it is perfectly drinkable and still tastes like beer of a sort. Some folk think it's great, but I suspect they haven't tried the premier-league ones listed above.
So there you are: what I'm going to be drinking for the rest of my life. Maybe seek out a Becks Blue or a Cobra 0.0% for variety. And there's the homebrew, too. Gotta find a way to get that ABV down to a safe and sensible <1%, because I am never drinking again. Ever.